Coming out in high school

back his close friends could see

CUYAHOGA FALLS, OH. (IGNA) A recent graduate of a to San Francisco. When he came In his junior year he ran away middle-class midwestern high school has written a short piece about the problems he encountered in coming out at Cuyahoga Falls High School in Ohio.

Bruce Summers, writing in Gold, reports that 95% of his school was typical "AllAmerican" students and 5% "everything parents hoped their children wouldn't become: from feminists and Marxists to persons wearing a bizarre variety of hair-dos and costumes."

Summer says that from the 9th grade on he was one of those people everyone called "fag" for no particular reason, “just their way of being cutting." Summers says he knew he was gay but refused to accept it. "I just couldn't bear the thought of harassment the rest of my life."

that a change had come over him. "At this point i knew I was ready to take the world on," he

wrote.

in his senior year Summers decided to come out. "If they want to insult me, I'm going to do something to earn it!" he thought.

For the most part the harassment ended when he came to this attitude. "I think once people saw they were not hurting me anymore, they lost interest. I found out early that there was a price to pay if I wanted to be myself, and ! was finally ready to pay it."

One day in class the girl in front of him turned around and asked him if he got "it on with guys" in a loud voice. Summers

On finding a therapist

By Barbara Lee

In 1978, the article "Lesbian Families: Cultural and Clinical Issues" appeared in the September issue of Social Work, the journal of the National Association of Social Workers. Directed

toward social workers who are working with or may work with lesbian couples and lesbian families, Marny Hall suggests a multilevel approach including selfexploration on the part of these workers, acquisition of specific clinical tools, and the assump-

Or does she genuinely like and accept her lesbian client, but find the concept of lesbianism unacceptable?" (pg. 380) The second issue to consider is conceptual. That is, is the practitioner able to

better believe I do!" responced equally loudly. "You

For about two weeks following this he heard nothing but underthe-breath anti-gay comments. The tension built to the point where a particularly closeted gay said, "I wish I could take a machine gun into a gay bar and shoot everyone." Although angry. Summers calmly asked, Do your parents know you're . suicidal?"

IN HIM WE LIVE. By Fr. Tim Father! I bless thy name that I

Love,

And in each motion am made rich with thee,

That when a glance is all that i can give

It is a kingdoms wealth, if but I

see:

This stately body cannot move, save I

Will to its nobleness my little

bring:

My voice its measured cadence will not try

Save I with every note consent to

sing:

I cannot raise my hands to hurt or

bless.

But I with every action must conspire

September 1980 HIGH GEAR Page 21

The comments quickly stopped.

Summers reports that some of his worst times resulted from trying to communicate with closeted gays. "We knew about each other, but they were afraid to hang around me for fear of being labeled gay," he said. "I also lost most of my straight male friends."

Simmers says that even though many of his experiences

Poetry

IN ANSWER TO

YOUR QUESTION

With my face red and stinging. I kneel before you; verse rise from a haze of faded And watch the center of my uni-

denim.

The taste of leather the taste of And me rushing like waves to you, comes thick in my mouth. beach, only to be placed back. I know; with my face wet and dripping, my mind cracking open,

see the ways in which the client's To show me there how little I My soul, held together only by

presenting problem is both affected by and separate from her sexual orientation? Also important is the practitioner's familiarity with the variety of functional lesbian life styles on which she can base her evaluation about ego strength and

-possess.

And yet that little more than ! desire

May each new act my new allegiance prove

Till in thy perfect love I ever live and move.

the smallest of webbs.

I have gazed into it, and found it, Awesome, terrible, cold, shining. beautiful.

And for the night, I love you. And for tomorrow, I wait. Linus 80 YO OL

tion of an advocacy position with other intra-psychic dimensions On the bookshelf

lesbian clients and other of her client. professionals.

As a social worker and as a lesbian, I believe that the author's comments are pertinent to those of us who may experience emotional distress or interpersonal problems and who want professional support in more effectively coping with the things that trouble us. As Ms. Hall points out, gay women have the same problems and needs as straight women. In addition, we must cope with the dominant culture's impact on us and the way we lead our lives. The fact that our dominant culture is a homophobic one means that a lesbian seeking professional help has a good chance of being confronted by a therapist or counselor who accepts the myths, stereotypes, and prejudices held by that society.

It would be helpful for lesbians w have guidelines to assist us when we want to select a counselor, therapist, or a social worker., These guidelines should relate not to the helping person's level of education, theoretical framework, of practice, or years of experience. Rather, it would focus on two issues: The first issue involves the professional helper's own degree of comfort with the lesbian's life style. To quote Ms. Hall:

"Is the practitioner comfortable with the spectrum of her own sexuality? Does she have questions about the validity of a lesbian's life choice?... Does she, for example, find her client's life style acceptable as an abstraction, but become distressed to imagine her actually involved in

those activities?

MY SON ERIC. Pilgrim Press. $8.95, non-fiction

As a parent, she dreaded the

Assistance in finding a theraBy Tom Villella pist is available through members of the Women's Growth Cooperative. The GEAR Foundation's Hotline also maintains a small list of mental health professionals who counsel gays. Feedback from other women who have worked with a given therapist may help avoid the time consuming and risky tasks of blindly picking a therapist.

Yet regardless of how the ther apist is found, a gay woman would still do well to interview that person as part of the process of deciding whether she wishes to work with her. Guidance on this matter could come from obtaining the following knowledge about the practitioner: 1) the extent of her reading works by lesbian authors. 2) whether

she has discussed these issues with friends and colleagues, 3) whether she has become of and experienced lesbi aware ture and is cognizant of lesbian support networks and resources that are useful to lesbian clients, and 4) whether she has had contacts with lesbians who are not clients.

knowledge. As a mother, she could not escape the realizabe that her son was differe thought, numbing, paralyzing frightening.

When Mary V. Borhek divorced her minister husband, she was unprepared for the plunge into a double dilemma: Adjusting to the single life, and the discovery of her son's, sexuality: A sexuality. that was opposed by a strongly condemnatory religious faith.

This intensely personal story is a mother's journey through the dark tunnel of learning to cope with her son's gayness.

"I knew that homosexuality was one of the most difficult things to cure." says mother

Borhek," much more difficult firm belief that Jesus could deal than drug addiction. But I had with homosexuality, and heal it person had to ask for healing-it as he could everything else. The was as simple as that."

She learned differently The Lord was curiously silent and different to her entreaties for Him to cure her son.

When prayer failed, and she discovered that Eric was not particularly disturbed, that he was well adjusted to his sexuality. real.. then real depression set in.

This advice will not guarantee that the therapist, counselor, or social worker will be competent as a professional helping person. Nor does it guarantee that the lesbian will be able to successfully solve her problems; it does not guarantee her development of effective problem solving skills. However, these guidelines should eliminate one problem It was precisely then that she that could interfere with an effecbegan investigating the gay lifetive counseling experience--that style, the Metropolitan Church. of working with a counselor its people its values. whose values and philosophy. After a service of the Gay reflect society's homophobia. Community Church, which both

fascinated and horrified her, the gay men and women invited her to lunch.

"I gulped" she writes, "were these gay men really interested in me, as a person, or were they

making polite noises?"

She found they sincerely wanted to reach out to her and help her understand the dilemma she faced.

"In this group, and other gay groups," she confesses, "I have learned that one accepting mother is worth her weight in rubies to many gay persons."

in coming out have been unfortunate, he feels "stronger amotionally than had I remained in the closet

He feels that it is not something everyone can do, but he personally had come to the point where he had to take a stand.

'He also said that once he made the decision to emerge from the closet I made sure I shut the door behind me!"

BATHING

I want to wash my body in cool clean darkness.

To bury into shadows, my hairs and skin.

To rub from my senses perception of light.

To bathe in dark recesses of endwant to wash my body in cool less night. clean darkness, Only touched slightly to strangers skin,

Laying hold to private possessions,

Borrowing, leasing, releasing again.

All tall dark strangers to become friends.

I want to wash my body in cool clean darkness.

In alleys, below bridges, the

I

want to feel its' coolness against my desire.

night pulls me in.

Ice water in veins, where blood

had once been.

Linus 79 Y.O.O.L

an abomination

Her interpretation will stun religious leaders and doctrinesexuality, as she sees it, whether seeped theologians Wanton gay or straight, is wrong in the eyes of the Lord. But if a person's natural sexuality is gay: Then that "abomination" business does not apply.

And that Sodom and Gomorrah business, she thinks, was punishment for wanton, sexuality, regardless of natural preferences: gay or straight.

Mary V. Borhek's personal Journey. tears, agony, trials. investigation led to personal growth, understanding, tolerance and a change of ideas.

Hedgement is a starting point for the fami! son, daughter, or anyone whose impression of gay is limited, faulty or distorted.

MY SON ERIC which really should be called, HIS MOTHER MARY, is an important addition to the materials available for the parent distressed about his son's or daughter's sexual orientation Princess of the Church of all structured faiths will be outraged at her interpretation of the bibli-Finally. MY SON ERIC is mote cal canons of "You shall not lie for the person around gays: More 'with a male as with a woman. It is for the relative or friend.

PICNIC

Sunday, Sept. 21, 1980,

Plan To Be There!

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